The game cannot end in a draw, and there is every chance that at the point that England scores (which, through the wonders of the Internet, we will know about immediately), everything will go a little crazy.

Somehow or other, this might be one of the tensest card games of my life.

Amir led off with a set monster and a spell or trap, an action mirrored by Shane. For turn two, Ashour flipped Dekoichi the Battlechanted Locomotive to draw a card, then used Nobleman of Crossout to take down Addy’s Sprit Reaper, before bashing in with the train.

Addy had a second Reaper and, after a little think, played a Sangan, and used Creature Swap to switch it for Dekoichi. A Sakuretsu Armor from Amir stopped a very favourable attack for Shane, and then the game went into something of a lull.

Meanwhile, in the real game, England team captain David Beckham was substituted off. He began crying on the touchline shortly thereafter. Emotions were running high everywhere in Germany.

Shane used Graceful Charity to improve his hand, but could do little to get his board going, especially in the face of Heavy Storm from Amir. With just a Sangan to his opponent’s two set monsters, Addy was looking tense. He was not the only Englishman to feel that way.

Amir meanwhile, had little to worry about, either in terms of football (Germany won their own quarterfinal last night) or Yu-Gi-Oh! as he played a Cyber Dragon and swung in. Scapegoat kept things from being too horrific for Addy, but they definitely didn’t look good, especially when Zaborg the Thunder Monarch came out for the German.

Addy used Snatch Steal to grab the king of the storms, but was on just 1200 to his opponents 7600 upon passing, and when Amir played Chaos Sorcerer, the game looked rather out of Shane’s hands.

Meanwhile, in the other game, English star Wayne Rooney was sent off following a scuffle with a Portuguese player.

With a shake of the head, Addy drew and scooped it up for game one. Things were not going England’s way anywhere, it seemed.

Addy started game 3 with a Graceful Charity, a monster and a set. His opponent did not have the card drawing, but did have the cards on the board, and worked on card advantage of his own in the form of Dekoichi the Battlechanted Locomotive.

Play went back and forth briefly before with a shake of the head, Addy simply went for it. He played Cyber-Stein fetching Cyber Twin Dragon. His attacks could not quite do it, though, and he was forced to pass with Amir on just 200 life points. Clearly frustrated by his unfortunate draw, Shane had to pass, hoping beyond hope that his opponent didn’t have some kind of an answer.

England sat teetering on the brink in the football, and in Yu-Gi-Oh!, Addy was doing just a little worse. Amir flashed a Snatch Steal, and it was all over.

This was, of course, not quite the end of the match. There was some rather frantic running involved to get to the only television in the venue, where hearts were in mouths, and tensions were running slightly harder and faster than many of the England players.

There was a new pressure—could England win it before the next round began? If the game went to extra time and penalties, which English players (of Yu-Gi-Oh!) would be willing to risk game losses by hanging around to find out what was going to happen?

As it turns out, there was a great show of solidarity from the English watching in Bochum, but rather less decisive action on the pitch. At 90 minutes, the score was 0-0. This meant 30 minutes of extra time. Silently, fists were pumped at the news that some of the matches on the round had run long.

After extra time, the scoreboard was still blank, as were many of the faces viewing the screen.

Nobody likes penalties.

Shane Addy’s defeat was now a distant memory. All that mattered now was scoring more penalties than the Portuguese.

To cut a heart-breakingly long story short, it did not happen. Portugal won. England, and Shane Addy, had lost.

 . . . curses.