“Who . . . am I?” – Derek Zoolander

Gary’s favorite comedies of all time:

1)      Zoolander

2)      Groundhog Day

3)      Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

These rankings are based on a combination of first viewing laughs and multiple viewing posterity. Comedy is different than other films as far as entertainment goes because it’s all about the punch line, and once you know the punch line, the wind is knocked out of it. Any film that can make me laugh when I already know the punch line is something special.

After the top three, the picture gets foggy, but while in New York, I may have found a new entry for the list—The Longest Yard. I’d heard about the remake in January, heard about the bevy of WWE and NFL stars who’d obviously be beating the crap out of one another, and was pretty excited for the prospect. Academy Awards? Who needs ’em. Give me a little Sandler, a little Rock, and a lot of severe punishment. By the end of the film—and Steve Sadin and Joe Carrey can verify this—I was chanting, “Mean machine! Mean Machine!” along with the in-film crowd.

Good times. Good times.

Rule #3) Remember why you are here.

We each have our reasons for going to Pro Circuit. Some go for the convenient excuse to visit non-local locales. New York gives us Yankee Stadium and Katz’s Deli. LA gives us the Hollywood sign and the Walk of Fame. Amsterdam gives us a look at life on the liberal side, and Indianapolis gives us . . . um . . . hay?

Some travel for the love of the game. Perlas and Carrey and Spears and Kalman and Grabher-Meyer make the trips because of their love of gamers and Vs. System. Sunday night, after getting back from the movie, Spears was still rallying weary judges, holding each of them upright in their assorted chairs, propping them up with one appendage each so that he could get in that one more draft he’d provided the product for. In the greatest city in the world, that’s how the man spent his last hours. Gamers.

Some love the thrill of competition. Zvi Mowshowitz, one of the great TCGers of modern times, showed up to the tournament having learned how to play the game three hours earlier. Hours. Even with Zvi’s analytical skills, he had to know he was going to get destroyed, but he braved it anyway. Zvi’s a guy who loves the puzzle, loves the questions and loves the quest for the answers. Sure, the money’s nice, but that’s not what keeps him coming back. If you’re in New York for money, you’d better be hanging out on Wall Street.

Of course, the money is nice. I think that’s long been one of Alex Shvartsman’s main motivators, though admittedly, he makes money by squeezing as much of it out of fun times as possible instead of working sixteen hours a day in an office. Alex is another professional gamer, one who recognized that the Pro Circuit offered an opportunity for major cash advancement in exchange for the less than tedious task of playing and playing and playing.

We each have our reasons. For me, it’s the stories. Those who’ve known me longer than you will be happy to tell you that I have a little habit of repeating stories until your ears bleed. For me, there’s nothing like a good story to share with buddies, to laugh over, to analyze, and to repeat. That may be why Churascarria Plata Forma is amongst my favorite restaurants in the world.

A Brazilian Meat House, CPF sits you with a two-colored disk: one side red, the other green. When the red side is face up, you help yourself to the salad bar. When you’re ready for the meat, you flip it over, signaling that the waiters should be at your beck and call. Suddenly, fifteen varieties of meat are being transferred from meter long skewers to your plate, which piles higher as you eat, and this continues until you can’t eat no more. When you get a dozen gamers at a meal, small nations run out of livestock.

Thing is, that was only an hour, and I was in town in the constant company of good-time-gamers for a week. Amongst the listable things I also experienced while I was in the New York/New Jersey metroplex:

-         Paid $4.99 for a sandwich whose ingredients included French fries, cheese steak, marinara sauce, mozzarella sticks, and chicken fingers

-         Drafted with Team TOGIT, gaming masters

-         Thrilled at the site of Dave Spears in a Mullet and frowned at the rejection when he refused my offer of a donut box as card case in the aftermath of Vs. Realms’s cop-gate

-         Learned that Rob Leander’s demise had been greatly exaggerated. He was in Sweden

-         Taught Josh Wiitanen how to arm wrestle

-         Did an interview on Internet radio

-         Created a casual format

-         Stole a donut from the coverage room while still in the Pro Circuit (sorry Toby)

-         Received a grand total of seven massages

-         Beat defending champ Adam Horvath in the Pro Circuit. This was immediately after I’d had two consecutive feature matches, while Adam never got one. I guess his isn’t a big enough name in the community to warrant that kind of attention, even if he was the all time leading money winner as we played.

-         Watched in amusement as Gerard Fabiano hatched a plot for a TV show in which he and friends would make a first impression–based distinction on random contestants, declaring them either “good men” or “scumbags.” Look out VH1.

-         Played a similar game with Steve Sadin on the New York subway as each patron entered our car

-         Flirted with every female I came into contact with. That’s right, Osyp, I said it!!!

-         Defended myself from Osyp’s accusations of being a serial flirt

-         Shouted assorted cereal names at Osyp as he tried desperately to pick up a Ukrainian girl

The list goes on . . . and gets stranger.

If you’re traveling for the times, make sure you have the times. If you’re traveling to win, you’d better play to win. The point is this: in each of our odysseys, we reach a critical destination at which we must make choices. Do you rules lawyer the guy who played the wrong resource? Why are you here? Do you go to the Yankee game or play the $10K? Why are you here? Do you eat at the ever consistent McDonalds or go for more localized cuisine?

Why

Are

You

Here?

Answer that and you’ll know how to proceed in every situation. And at a PC, you have enough going on with deck choices, metagame analysis, single-card hunts the night before, lodgings, flights, keeping track of luggage, remembering wake up calls, and fighting your battles at the table that spending your energy on anything else is unnecessary and wasteful. Know why you’re here. It’ll give you the answers and you’ll have a better time for it.