Matt Hyra is a busy guy. He helps the homeless by participating in community programs. He volunteers at soup kitchens. When the office needs someone to play Santa Claus, he’s first in line. Sometimes, he even lets the migrant worker who cleans his Porsche have a day off and takes care of the waxing and polishing himself, smiling his churlish smile as he caresses each automotive contour with equal parts Turtle Wax and elbow grease. Long story short, this man is a saint and can be forgiven for taking a week off from writing his column, which has appeared on Metagame.com like clockwork over the course of the last few months. You get me, instead.

I apologize in advance for any inconvenience this might cause any intrepid hobby league dynamos out there. I don’t claim to be the deckbuilder that Hyra is. But I can ladle a mean bowl of soup.

Instead of handing you a new deck idea on a silver platter, as my wickedly clever predecessor was known to do, I’m going to take a closer look at the deck played by Rob Gallagher at the recent $10K event in Los Angeles. No sugarcoating here, guys. Let’s face the stone facts, the hard truths. There’s no other way for me to fill this space. If I were to give you one of my decks, you’d be sitting around scratching your heads and asking each other questions like, “Was he sniffing the registration marker?” and “Is ‘Ham!’ even a card?” Compared to the brainchildren of Matt Hyra, my decks are primitive cave murals, weathered chalk-works from which no clear meaning can be gleaned. If an alien civilization landed here and saw any deck I’d built as the first example of our civilization here on Earth, they’d pull an intergalactic U-turn faster than you could say “Shazbot.”

Here’s Gallagher’s list. Check out this technology.

Rob Gallagher’s Intergang Deck

Characters
4 Mr. Mxyzptlk

28 Intergang

Plot Twists
4 Not so Fast!
4 Mega-Blast
4 Nasty Surprise
4 Overload

Locations
4 Punisher’s Armory
4 Base of Operations
4 Suicide Slums

Is it possible to slur drunkenly in writing? I ask because the very idea of trampling a hapless foe with Intergang members is so intoxicating that I’m having trouble keeping full command of my mental and physical faculties. Notice that the deck, a spring-loaded death machine if I ever saw one, has no name. Perhaps this is one of those fabled times when words are insufficient. That’s possible. I think the real reason for the omission of a moniker is that the name of the deck isn’t really suitable for use on this website. Taking 50 endurance loss from three gang members? I know what I would personally call that, and it isn’t “KC & the Sunshine Band.” I don’t want to get too fancy, either. I’d name it something semi-witty, like “Menace II Society,” but the front and center figure in the Intergang art doesn’t exactly look like he’s keeping it real. I think he has less street cred than Floyd the Barber from “The Andy Griffith Show.” I’m not sure how this guy got into crime, but it probably involved smuggling croissants or dressing like “Lady Marmalade.”

So, how does the deck work? Let me give you a quick rundown. I’m sure you can see that Intergang is a 0 ATK/0 DEF character. Not too impressive at first glance, and I don’t blame you for grimacing as if someone just squeaked one out in your elevator. Heck, if you’ve ever wondered what my stats would be if I were a Vs. character, well . . . they would be in that range. I’d cost more than 1 resource point to recruit—I don’t crawl out of my cardboard box in the morning unless somebody’s brought at least two quarters—but that’s neither here nor there. What is important is that Intergang’s stats are misleading. A closer look reveals that the card has potential. Read the game text and you’ll find the gold-plated prize in an otherwise putrid and stale box of Cracker Jacks. One can almost imagine the eyes of a great deckbuilder lighting up with dollar signs as he or she contemplates the full beauty of the combo. Cha-ching.

The broken interaction lies with Punisher’s Armory. Now, I’m no mathematician, but if you recruit one Intergang on turn 1 and two Intergangs on turn 2, you’ll have a total of three. With three Intergangs on turn 2, you can fire off the following apocalyptic play—one of the craziest interactions in the game of Vs. to date:

 -Exhaust Punisher’s Armory to give all three copies of Intergang +1 ATK/+1 DEF

 -Pay 3 endurance to ready Punisher’s Armory

 -Repeat sixteen times

 -Watch opponent swallow own tongue

 -Win

When the dust settles, you will have three copies of Intergang, each puffed up to a formidable 17 ATK/17 DEF. That’s enough to deal 51 damage. Of course, if your opponent has a 2-drop, you’re cooked. So sometimes, Mr. Mxyzptlk has to pick up a Mega-Blast and clear the way, just to be safe. Sometimes your opponent has Overload, so you have Not So Fast!. And if you don’t have Mr. M to plow the road ahead, you can always run a 0 ATK/0 DEF Intergang in there, like a lamb to the slaughter, and pull Nasty Surprise/Overload on whatever mincing copy of Toad or GCPD Officer is trying to be a hero. That’s what we in the business call a “drive-by.”

Honestly, is there any better way to make R&D shake their heads than to clear out a 2-drop with Overload/Nasty Surprise . . . and then win on turn 2 with Intergang? That’s like winning the Tour de France by falling down a hill on a unicycle. It’s loosely related to the game we know, but it’s actually more like some alien, unrecognizable version of Vs.—a crazy, topsy-turvy landscape of unconventional plays where insanity is the rule and life takes a turn for the surreal. Who knows? Maybe we can call it “Fiddy One.” By any name, however, victory with Intergang would smell just as sweet.

Enjoy this gem while you can, deck techies. If people want to put the shoes to this archetype, they will. And that, along with the inconsistency of the kill (there’s no way to search for Punisher’s Armory, outside of running the cheats) will ensure that you won’t be winning any major tournaments with Intergang any time soon. The list of cards that can derail your already suspect program is longer than a U2 discography. A desperate opponent will simply mulligan for Overloads; if either Boris or Alfred Pennyworth has the sense to search one up early, then it’s all over but the shouting. You can’t ever go for the kill—all you can do is idle in your seat like a stopped watch and wait for your executioner to pay a visit. It could be anyone, from the Lord of Latveria to Unus the Untouchable. You would actually rather get beaten with a wrench on turn 2 than see an Overload.

Let’s talk bottom line. Rob Gallagher’s deck is a piece of work, all right, by any measuring stick you want to use. It’s fragile. It’s crazy. It’s the game interaction equivalent of spitting on someone from the 30th floor balcony. But it’s there. If you want to have some fun, I encourage you to take this deck to your next tournament. If nothing else, you’ll come back with a good story.

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GT

gtait@cogeco.ca