Welcome to the preview to end all previews.

Don't get me wrong, sport. There have been previews before, and there may well be previews after, but for all intents and purposes, this is the preview. Ever since I heard rumor of this card, I knew this was the preview that I wanted to see. Well, life is funny—I ended up writing it. Go figure.

Guys and gals, I'm with you. On your side. We're both fogging up the glass together, you and I, hot breath on the window, trying to sneak a peek into the lab where it all happens, to catch a glimpse of the latest toys. Well, they've got a heck of a view for us today. Come on. If we jam our faces in the laboratory window, maybe we can see it.

Yep, it's in there. And it's good. So good, in fact, that some introduction is in order.

Every game designer has a magical moment or two in his or her career.

You know the feeling, friend—it's that time when all the barriers that hold you back just fall like dominos, and for one shining instant, you can reach your full potential. You wake up, and you're in the zone. The day is brighter. The coffee smells better, and your coworkers are less insufferable. Though you’re normally loathe to do so much as a minute of actual labor in the first twenty percent of your workday, you have no trouble coaxing the old gray matter to go one more round for the big paycheck. It's a great feeling. Tip top.

It happens to everyone, too. Even the stubble-chinned unfortunate tasked with molding the exciting prize in January 2005's box of Cracker Jacks isn't exempt from this natural overflow of creativity. John Smith will arrive one day at work excited and aching, pregnant with ideas. That's the day a design document for the next great plastic trinket will leap, fully formed, from John's cubicle. From the desk of a guy who, on a normal day, is lucky to find matching socks after selecting the least wrinkled of the four shirts piled by his mattress.

One small step for an English major, one giant leap for Cracker Jack–kind. And if Johnny Smith from Nowhere, U.S.A. can revolutionize the sacred institution of Cracker-Jackery with the white-hot ideas of one chilly autumn morning, you'd better believe that a man with greater responsibilities could, under similar circumstances, really bring the house down. Catch a Vs. System designer on a bad day, and at the very least, you still probably get a design mistake to exploit. Catch one on a good day, and that designer might turn the game inside out and give it a good shake.

Getting impatient? Just bear with me a while longer while I lay it down for you. You play Vs., and you were once a small child, so you must have an imagination. Flex it now, if you dare. Even if you've been working, traveling the burnished brass hallways of corporate America, and you have to shake off some rust. It's like riding a bike—you never really forget. I know . . . it sounds a little crazy, a little “out there.” It's worth it. Close your eyes.

Imagine this in your mind's eye. Every design concept in Vs. history contained in a snow-globe—thousands of cards and documents laid end to end in virginal, fluffy whiteness. The players are huddled around like those hypothetical masses yearning to breathe free. Then one mammoth hand, creased and calloused from hours of typing and recruiting 5-drops, obscures the view. Grabs the globe. Gives it a good shake. The cards and documents go flying. The expectant players, doe-eyed and slavering after the next set, also go flying. The little encapsulated world of Vs. has changed forever. The camera pulls back, and here's the kicker . . . it's not God or the devil or Larry of the Three Stooges who’s doing the shaking, but Superman, Man of Steel lead designer Mike Hummel. Comic fan. Good guy. Causing a bit of a ruckus in our imaginary, spheroid world, but nothing that can't be forgiven.

Mike had a really good day with this card—one of the best ever, in my opinion—and I'm glad. If the powers that be only portion out a limited number of these great ideas, these great days, these great creative bursts, then a lot of them must get wasted on arms manufacturers, third base coaches, and Chippendales dancers. Good if you want guns, runs, or buns, but pretty inconsequential if you're primarily concerned with team attack math and hitting your curve. I'm glad Mike had this particular burst. Very glad, indeed.

Want to see what Mike Hummel came up with that I thought was so cool? It's just below, and let me tell you, as soon as I saw it I said, "Man, that's amazing!” As a lead designer, I'm sure Mike is used to subordinate slobbering in his direction, but with the hope that he can discern honest admiration from blatant toadery, I'll repeat my compliment here and ask that that you, bizarro reader, also send your good vibrations in his direction.

Here it is.

If I’ve been long-winded, that I'm a pedant of the highest order is only half the reason. I had to do Bizarro World justice. Wrap your mind around the ramifications of that card, females and fellas. Try to battering ram the coolness of this idea through the woefully underused doors that serve to regulate human perception, and you might find yourself a gamer trying to pass a mental kidney stone. "Can't . . . wrap . . . brain . . . around . . . all . . . that . . . coolness!” Hurts, doesn't it? But it's a good kind of hurt.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like it. I like it a lot. Bizarro World may, in fact, be the coolest card of all time. In any game.

Hyperbole?

Time will tell, but while you recline in your decidedly non-Bizarro chair, consider the following.

Bizarro World can change. What else would you expect from a place where the cars have square tires and the only straight building is that one tower that’s usually leaning? Today it pops the defenseless guys, sends them to eat the old dirt sandwich, as it were, but down the road it could swat Imperiex like a fly, team up Superman with a bunch of Green Lanterns, or activate to give The Joker +10 DEF this attack. You never know! If you check out the web address on the card, you'll get the lowdown, the 411, the full story, no cuts or intermissions. Every time a set becomes tournament legal, Bizarro World morphs into a completely different card. I can't say it any better than the page does, so I won't try.

Bizarro World can correct a twisted metagame from the inside. From a design standpoint, this is the part I like most. (Is Hummel actually a genius, like Einstein, or did he just get lucky, like George Lucas? Time will tell.) For now, the important thing is that Bizarro World is here and ready to stomp on overly dominant decks with the Heavy Boot of Metagame Correction Justice™. The development team is very good at making sure that terrible things don't happen, but should the environment stagnate, Bizarro World is there to give it a little kick in the pants come set-release day. Swarm decks got you down? Bizarro Flame Trap. Control deck too good? Bizarro Beatdown. Printed an overpowered plot twist? Bizarro Fizzle! That 11 ATK/11 DEF 4-drop with no drawback turn out to be not such a hot idea? Say hello to Bizarro Extremely-Conditional-Removal! Bizarro World is the universal antidote, the cure for anything that ails the Vs. community.

Bizzaro World can pick up new mechanics on the fly. Every set is going to have a host of great new mechanics, ideas, and little twists and turns, and Bizarro World can absorb them all. Years down the road, when the other Superman, Man of Steel cards look positively ancient, Bizarro World will be fresh and new. In a short time, Superman, Man of Steel is going to be tournament legal. When that day comes, Bizarro World will burst out from the line of scrimmage, ready to catch any forward pass that might land, say . . . three years down the road. Can you imagine the history this card is going to make? People will tell Bizarro World stories the same way they talk about sports dynasties:

“Hey Bob, you remember the three months when Bizarro World was like Lost City, except better?”

“Oh yeah, I remember. We called it the Bizarro Summer. Won a PCQ on the back of that one.”

“Those were the days. What does the card do now, anyway?”

“Activate, discard five cards, pay 10 endurance, target character gets +1 ATK if it is exhausted.”

“Guess they got scared.”

So yeah, buckle up. You're about to get in on the ground floor of Bizarro World, the place where circles are square, hello is goodbye, and Superman flies “down, down, and toward!” We're turning a corner in card design, and UDE is glad to have you in the passenger seat. I won't deny it—I'm excited. These design and development types are the most hardcore merchants you could ever meet. They deal in worlds. Bizarro Worlds. And boy oh boy, it's going to be one bizarre ride.