TJ Holman may be the reincarnation of Roberto Clemente when it comes to competitive play skill, but he also knows where jank comes from. “Jank” is a newly coined word that describes certain trading card game strategies that are considered to be extremely wacky and purely fun. A few weeks ago, I called on the community to help me discover the origins of the word “jank.” TJ had the goods.
It seems that trading card game history was graced by an individual named Chris Janiak. Decktech.net was the original TCG community, flourishing with discussions about the Star Wars game and establishing the word “tech” to identify the process of tweaking deckbuilding strategies. Chris Janiak hung out on the Decktech website and soon built a reputation for funky casual play ideas. Given the inevitable shortening of everything online, it was only a matter of time before a “Janiak strategy” became “jank.”
Jank is all about the strange. It is often strictly casual and it always starts out as a non-competitive glimmer in the eye. Jank strategies can be refined until they win money, but at their root, they remain silly and anti-serious. With all the cards that Vs. System has to offer, if I were pressed to pick the best example of jank, I’d have to choose Super Skrull.
Super Skrull has an extremely powerful yet funky ability. He forces deckbuilders all over the world to get starry-eyed and start dreaming of Skrull Army swarms. So far, he does not have the support cards to be competitive; Super Skrull remains a jank-lovers dream. At least we can write songs about him.
Yes, loyal readers, we have a Super Skrull song written in the key of jank. Identified by the infamous Sean “Keebler” Powell, this risky little ditty clearly shows what true dedication to jank-filled card flipping can do to a person. Check it out:
“Theme from Super Skrull”
By Ookla the Mok
Copyright 1998 Randam music
Words by Rand Bellavia and Adam L. English
On the Skrull home world in a secret laboratory
They modified a chromosome, and so begins the story
Of a Skrull whose nearly impossible chore
Is to battle and defeat the Fantastic Four.
He’s Super Skrull—incredible!
He’s as geechy as Nietzsche, and that’s no bull.
Though to us he seems preposterous,
It’s really not for us to just pass a rash judgment on the Super Skrull,
Cause his left arm can stretch like it’s made out of plastic:
It’s as elastic as Mr. Fantastic!
His right arm’s got orange rocks for skin:
From the shoulder down he’s as strong as big Ben Grimm.
He can turn one leg invisible,
Which really isn’t all that practical.
Unless you’re extremely gullible, you won’t be fooled by Super Skrull.
His other leg is flammable (the same thing as inflammable):
He crossed his legs and then he learned his invisible leg could still get burned.
Though his appearance is comical and raises many questions anatomical,
His features aren’t as malleable as the features of his fellow Skrull.
From his hat down to his shoes, he wears unstable molecules.
He’s endorsing RC Cola and cruising chicks with Arnim Zola.
He’s not even possible, but what the hell, he’s Super Skrull!
He can’t tie his shoes without an oven mitt,
And he has a hard time finding shirts that fit.
Painfully implausible, technically impossible. Socks? He’s got a closet full.
His favorite band is Jethro Tull.
He’s not just any ordinary Skrull, he’s Super Skrull!
If Super Skrull gets some support cards in the future and becomes competitive, that could actually become a hit. For now, it remains pure jank. Pure jank is the kind of thing that makes everyone smile just because it can. Its motives are simple—it seeks to do something weird and wacky that is completely unexpected. Jank just wants to have fun.
Vs. System provides some extremely fertile soil for jank, and Constructed decks are not the only place to find it flowering. Sealed Pack tournaments also allow the opportunity for outrageous and risky strategies. In the South Florida “Rain Check” Justice League of America Sneak Preview following Hurricane Wilma’s two-week delay, I vowed to build the jankiest deck possible from my five packs while still trying to win some prizes. It looked like this:
Characters
Psycho-Pirate
Superman, Avatar of Peace
Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas
Gorilla Grodd
Metamorpho
Captain Atom
Tasmanian Devil
Floronic Man
Darkseid, Heart of Darkness
Oliver Queen ◊ Green Arrow
Circe
Katar Hol ◊ Hawkman
Shayera Thal ◊ Hawkwoman
Zauriel
The Creeper
Aquaman, Arthur Curry
Connor Hawke ◊ Green Arrow
IQ
Sue Dibny
Illusionary Warriors
Plot Twists
Secret Origins
Vicarious Living
Gang-Up
Air Strike
Rallying Cry!
Trial by Fire
Bulletproof
Magnificent Seven
Controller Sanction
Equipment
Nth Metal
I will admit that the deck is not quite as janky as I would have hoped. I was blinded a bit by my desire to win more packs and another killer orange shirt. I will also admit that Gorilla Grodd seems like prime jank, but he is probably too good to qualify.
I had some wacky things that I wanted to do during the tournament. I wanted to get the father/son combination of Oliver Queen ◊ Green Arrow and Connor Hawke ◊ Green Arrow into play at the same time. I wanted to steal a 6-drop with Gorilla Grodd after Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas had given me some extra ATK pumps to use while beating my opponent down with his or her own character. I wanted to see Katar Hol ◊ Hawkman and Shayera Thal ◊ Hawkwoman in play together. I wanted to finish that pair with an Nth Metal equipped to Katar Hol, since the artwork matches so well.
My first opponent was Bret Chernow. We both curved out perfectly, but I was able to get the hawk couple flying together and I equipped the male with Nth Metal. Since I also had Connor Hawke ◊ Green Arrow in play, my power-ups were really powerful. I got to turn 7 with enough breathing room to get the monkey thing going. I returned a couple of pumps with Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas and then KO’d him to Gorilla Grodd. I grabbed Bret’s Hal Jordan, Hard-Traveling Hero and beat him unmercifully with it. It was janktastic.
The next round against Brody Brandon saw similar success. I got the father and son online at the same time, and this time, Gorilla Grodd exchanged my Superman, Avatar of Peace for Brody’s Zatanna. She was holding a Justice League Signal Device, but I was obviously enough ahead in endurance and enough assured of victory to attempt such a jankish play.
I had the Gorilla Grodd theft trick ready again in round 3, but the match ended on turn 6 before I could confiscate Justin Grimell’s Batman, Avatar of Justice. I did get to use Zauriel’s Guardian Angel ability on turn 5 to secure an unbeatable board advantage. That was jankilicious.
The wacky parade came to a crashing halt in round 4, as Andrew Steele finished me off on turn 6 by 1 endurance point. If I could have survived to turn 7, my Gorilla Grodd would have been able to say, “Gimme that!” once again. I have a new favorite jank monkey.
I finished 3-1 and was awarded more packs to open. I always save my prize packs to share with Nina when I get home. When we opened them and found an alternate art foil Plastic Man, our eyes fell out onto the floor. If jank had a face, that might be it.
That’s it for me this week. Now that you know what jank is and where it came from, there is only one thing to do: fly the jank proudly for everyone to see. Whether you win or lose, your fun factor will be off the charts. And fun is what it’s all about.
Rian Fike is janky and proud of it. If you want to share your favorite fun strategies with the community, drop him a line at rianfike@hattch.com.