The master of disaster, Erick “I Barn Vidi’ Cabanero is back again to face the intimidating figure that can only be referred to in hushed tones as “The Eugenio”.
“I hate penny sleeves, how am I supposed to shuffle these?” – The Cab
“You’re not, just let me stack my deck.” – The Bri
Yes folks, it’s going to be one of those matches. Before taking a seat in their respective chairs, the opponents rolled it up. Cabby won and chose the evens. A highly dubious choice if you ask this reporter.
Turn 1 or “The whiffiest turn in Versus short history.”
…
Turn 2 or “Why can’t we just skip turn 1?”
The Cabster played Postman and manhandled Eugenio’s Crimson Commando.
Turn 3 or “Chairs decks are so hot right now.”
Silver Sabre came in for Brian and the awesome double-recruit of Caliban and Tommy for Cabby.
Brian made a move on Postman, but wasn’t quite fast enough to stop the illusive evader. Brian tried again with Tommy. No Go. Eventually he found his groove and smacked Caliban around for a couple or some. Crimson Commando came in clean for 4.
Cabby recoverd his board and play moved on.
Turn 4 or “Daler Mehndi is on the way!”
Erick played Storm, Leader of the Morlocks and shoved all up front. So far Cabby had been playing pure Morlocks.
“What is this, a constructed deck?” – Brian
Brian dropped Hump. Someone gasped—the only one who is watching this ridiculous match. Cabby declared the surly Caliban into Crimson. Cab forced the surly one to evade; one can only assume that he had some tricky tricks to bring online.
Cabby continued his brutal assault by sending Posty and Tommy into Humpherys with Retribution. Then Hump evaded, showing his true color: Yellow. Storm pushed it to the limit and smacked the arrogance out of Silver Sabre. The well-rested Postman/Tommy combo came knocking on the direct breakthrough door for 5.
38-25 for the Cabman.
Turn 5 or “Did he really say that?”
Brian dropped the Stonewall, hoping to brickwall. Marrow entered play on Erick’s side.
“See, constructed deck! What the cheats?” – The Brian
“You passed me these cards, man.” – The Cab
“Oh, then you have Backs Against the Wall too.” – The Brian
Yugi-genio tried to smack the Postman, but with the help of Storm, Postman evaded for free.
“Cheater!”
Sabre came for Storm with a freedom Force from the row. Caliban evaded in response for free. Cabby tossed another Storm to match the FF. Sabre went down! Role model to bullies around the world, the Hump set his sights on puny little Tommy. Tommy made the money play and evaded. Stonewall decided to quit goldbricking and challenged the mighty Storm for control of the Wundagore Citadel. His awesomeness too much for her to bear, Storm got some reinforcement help from Marrow and flipped face down. The ready Humphreys passed his attack. Apparently, a +4/+4 Marrow was enough to discourage this monstrosity.
Cabby recovered his massive board with a 33-22 lead.
Turn 6 or “Will this shellacking ever end?”
Cabby dropped Namor, the first character he had recruited who wasn’t a Morlock. Cab pushed them all up front with Marrow behind Storm. The Chairs were about to hit the fan!
Brian boosted the gigantic Beef, coming into play as a 12/12 for the turn. He set himself up for the beating of a lifetime and passed.
A flurry of combat pumps and tricky dance moves were exchanged before Cabby could finally force the scoop with a couple of [Shrapnel Blast]. The play was so outstanding, my chair almost exploded!
“No one was picking Morlocks! I didn’t cheat, it’s not my fault!”
I declare shenanigans. We have to give it up for Cabby though. He played through a terrible Day 1 using a 10-team deck. He barely made it to Day 2, and when I asked how he was able to 3-0 his pod he replied with the simple yet elegant, “I opened Chairs, man, how could I lose?”
Indeed.