Adam Prosak and Loren Nolen walked into the feature match area jabbering with each other about their upcoming match. Adam and Loren are friends—in fact, Adam helped Loren put the finishing touches on the X-Stall deck he’s bringing to the table today.

Adam got busy putting a large stack of EA foil cards he’d picked up right before the match into sleeves. He sleeved up a Mephisto, Soulstealer stacker, and the players started to wonder what the least tournament viable stacker ever was. The conversation got around to the worst PC card ever, and Adam, Loren, and the crowd settled on Doop, Ultimate Weapon and Orphan . . . what was Orphan’s version?

The coverage writers type in the name and version of all the cards to give you hotlinks to Metagame.com’s card display, so I issued a dollar challenge: one dollar to the first person within earshot who could name the 7-drop Orphan’s version. Loren asked if he could phone a friend, which was allowed, but he gave up when he realized that his friend Keebler Powell, X-Statix player extraordinaire didn’t have a cell phone. The masses were stumped for at least thirty seconds before spectator Ryan Alarie came up with the correct answer: Orphan, Good Guy. He claimed my dollar, which will buy him about half of a 20 oz. drink here in So Cal.

Loren and Adam shuffled and cut, and Adam won the roll. Adam then mused, “I take . . . uh, here’s the thing: we didn’t really figure this out. There’s a correct decision, and I think it’s . . . evens.”

Loren drew his four and immediately proclaimed, “I’ve got a keeper! I’ve got every tech card I could ever want.” Adam responded with a characteristic “must be nice.”  He kept his hand as well.

Loren played no character on turn 1, but Adam dropped Frankie Raye ◊ Nova, Optimistic Youth and discarded The Phantom Stranger, Wandering Hero to draw two. He attacked for 1, putting Loren at 49.

On turn 2, Loren immediately flipped up one of the aforementioned tech cards: Political Pressure. Adam played Poison Ivy, Deadly Rose, and Loren countered with Black Cat, Master Thief. Poison Ivy attacked Black Cat, and then Frankie attacked Loren directly. Loren flipped down Political Pressure during the recovery phase, bringing his endurance total to 41.

Loren again played Political Pressure at the beginning of turn 3, causing Adam to break into song: “Under Pressure! Do do do do-do doo do!”  Loren played Enemy of My Enemy, discarding his own Poison Ivy, Deadly Rose to find Dr. Light, Master of Holograms. He dropped the good Doctor into play and activated him to bring Poison Ivy back to the party. Adam decided she didn’t need to come into play and activated Slaughter Swamp in response to put Ivy back into Loren’s hand instead.

Adam thought for a moment at the beginning of his build phase, prompting Loren to needle Adam good-naturedly, “I Pressured you so you can only play one guy, and you still need time? What, do you have like an option and a half?” Adam eventually played Dr. Doom, Richards’s Rival, finding a Straight to the Grave to put on top of his deck.

Loren passed his attack step, and Adam brought Poison Ivy into Black Cat, who evaded in response. He then sent Dr. Doom into Dr. Light (stunning Light), and Poison Ivy and Frankie Raye attacked directly. Loren again flipped down Political Pressure, leaving himself at 27 endurance to Adam’s still pristine 50.

Loren: “Your deck is so fast. It’s like you’re playing High Voltage.”

Loren again flipped up Pressure on turn 4 to the tune of another “Under Pressure!  Do do do do-do doo do!” He played Straight to the Grave to bury a Dr. Light of his own, flipped Avalon Space Station, discarded an unplayable Reign of Terror to return Light to his hand, and finally played Light. He then played The Ring Has Chosen to find Deadshot, Floyd Lawton, discarded Floyd to the Ring’s effect, and activated Dr. Light to bring him back.

Loren played Human Torch, The Invisible Man on turn 4 and formed Dr. Light in front of Torch. During Loren’s formation step, Adam exhausted Frankie Raye and Deadshot to return Phantom Stranger to his hand.

Adam was on the attacks this turn, and he sent Poison Ivy into Black Cat to make her evade, then Poison Ivy into Dr. Light with a power-up. Loren, unfazed, simply powered-up his Dr. Light from hand in response. “Who thinks power-ups are only for Limited?” asked Adam as he used Slaughter Swamp to power-up Poison Ivy again. Loren decided to play Creation of a Herald, discarding Galactus, Devourer of Worlds to find a card. Adam asked if Loren had to reveal the card found with Creation even if he discarded Galactus and found out that he did from head judge Paul Ross. Loren rolled his eyes, flashed the Dr. Light power-up he’d found, and dropped it into the KO’d pile, eliciting a laugh from the crowd. Adam went into the tank (which I know because he expressly stated this), then decided he needed to ask the head judge another question in private. Loren, incredulous, joked, “Oh my God, just make him stand over here!” They had a private conference, which ended by Adam proclaiming “SICK!” about something. He sat back down and KO’d Frankie Raye to Poison Ivy to find a Soul World. He then picked his Poison Ivy back up and powered-up a third time. The attack resolved in Adam’s favor, putting endurance totals at 22 for Loren to 46 for Adam. Dr. Doom attacked Human Torch, and Adam flipped up Devil’s Due, KO’ing Poison Ivy and Deadshot to make Dr. Doom a 7 ATK / 6 DEF. Torch and Doom traded stuns. At the end of the turn, Loren once again flipped down Political Pressure, leaving himself at an anemic 14.

Turn 5 naturally started with a serenade of  “Under Pressure! Do do do do-do doo do!” Loren then dropped Scarlet Witch, Wanda Maximoff into play. Adam looked at his options for a minute, musing “How much do I take if I do this? Infinite?” He decided to play The Ring Has Chosen for Boris, Personal Servant of Dr. Doom, whom he discarded to The Ring Has Chosen’s effect. He then activated Dr. Light to bring Doom back, taking 5, and activated Boris to find an Enemy of My Enemy, taking 5 more. He played Enemy to find his own Scarlet Witch and put her into play in front of Doom, with Dr. Light off to the side.

Loren attacked with the Witch into Dr. Light, who was quickly sacrificed to Devil’s Due to put a counter on Dr. Doom. Loren then used UN Building to team-up Heralds of Galactus, Brotherhood, and Spider-Friends and team attacked with the Witch and Black Cat into Scarlet Witch. Black Cat and Adam’s Witch both stunned. Neither player elected to make any more attacks. Loren flipped down Political Pressure once more, and Adam returned Dr. Light to his hand with Avalon Space Station.

“Under Pressure! Do do do do-do doo do!”

Adam played Enemy at the beginning of turn 6, discarding Dr. Light for Asmodeus. “This is my second PC Top 8 with this guy,” said Adam. “Isn’t that embarrassing?”

Loren dropped Professor X, Headmaster into play along with another Poison Ivy, Deadly Rose. He formed Human Torch, Professor X, Poison Ivy, Black Cat, and Scarlet Witch along the back row.

Adam studied the board for a moment and said, “You know you can’t bluff The Infamous Seven without Kree characters . . .”  Loren asked, “Why not? I did it all day yesterday.” Adam’s Scarlet Witch attacked Professor X, whom Loren reinforced with Poison Ivy. That attack left Loren at 4 endurance. Adam then sent Dr. Doom into Torch.

Loren: “I think I die. That’s kinda rough.” 

Adam: “What a beat.”

Adam 1, Loren 0

“You know, [my teammate] Brian has a pair of boxing gloves,” Adam tells me. “I was going to come into the feature match area Rocky style, but we forgot the bathrobe.”

Loren chose evens and Adam said, “Yeah, we guessed right in game 1, whoo!” Both players mulliganed their opening four. Adam led off with Haywire to Loren’s nothing, and Adam wasted no time getting in there.

Loren: “I guess I take nothing.”

Table judge, sarcastically: “Wait, I gotta write that down.”

Loren slapped down Jean Grey, Telekinetic Fighter on turn 2 and lamented, “I’m 0-for-X on the weekend. I’ve never gotten there.” He windmill-slammed his card off the top, and it was . . . a Political Pressure.

Adam: “YAAAAAUUUUSSSS!”

Loren sighed and shipped the Pressure to the bottom.

Adam had quite an eventful turn 2 in store. He played Straight to the Grave for Frankie Raye, flipped Slaughter Swamp to return Frankie (discarding Phantom Stranger), played Frankie for free by discarding Dr. Doom, and in response to her ability, exhausted her and Haywire to return Phantom Stranger to his hand. He discarded the Stranger to the ability and drew two. He then played Poison Ivy, KO’d Frankie and a resource to find Soul World, activated Soul World to return Frankie to his hand, replayed Frankie discarding Deadshot, and again, in response to Frankie’s ability, exhausted her and Poison Ivy to get back Stranger to discard again for another two cards.

Loren attacked Haywire with Jean Grey, putting endurance totals at 50 to 44 in Loren’s favor.

During the draw phase on turn 3, Loren flipped up Political Pressure. Adam looked concerned and asked, “Can I read that?” (Pause.) “That means I can’t cast a bunch of guys this turn, right?”

Adam played Enemy, discarding Poison Ivy to find Dr. Light. As he shuffled, he decided, “I think I’m going to use my winnings from this PC to get four extended art Dr. Lights.”  Loren replied, “I’m using my winnings from this PC to go to the next PC.” Adam played Dr. Light and returned Deadshot.

Loren played Sage, Xavier’s Secret Weapon. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, in response,” said Adam, and he threw down another Enemy, discarding Asmodeus for the 5-drop Scarlet Witch. He also played Straight to the Grave, burying Boris and Devil’s Due in the KO’d pile. Sage then hit play.

Adam counted his KO’d pile and found nine cards, and he quickly planned his turn. He exhausted Deadshot and Haywire to return Phantom Stranger to his hand, then KO’d Haywire and a rowed Enemy of My Enemy to search up Avalon Space Station and get ten cards in the KO’d pile. He then used the newly active Deadshot to KO Sage. With Sage gone, Poison Ivy attacked Jean Grey. Loren glanced through Adam’s KO’d pile and noticed, “You do have an Ivy down there!” Adam looked dumbfounded and asked, “You were going to brickwall me?” The attack resolved, and Loren flipped down Pressure, leaving both players at 42 endurance. At the end of the turn, Adam discarded Scarlet Witch to return Poison Ivy and Dr. Doom to his hand, then used Slaughter Swamp, discarding Phantom Stranger to return Scarlet Witch.

Loren played Enemy of My Enemy on turn 4. As he searched, Adam said, “I can’t believe they didn’t name Mobilize ‘Friend of My Friend’!”  Loren eventually picked out a Human Torch and played him. Adam played Dr. Doom, Diabolic Genius and flipped an Enemy back down, then returned Boris to play with Dr. Light and exhausted Poison Ivy and Frankie to return Stranger.

Loren attacked Human Torch into Boris, which Adam allowed and declined to reinforce. Jean Grey then attacked Poison Ivy, but Adam had a power-up for the brickwall. Adam’s Dr. Doom then attacked Human Torch with two Doom power-ups (one from Avalon Space Station, which also returned Asmodeus), leaving endurance totals at 42 to 41 in Loren’s favor, and 38 to 41 after Loren flipped down Pressure. Adam discarded the Stranger to use Slaughter Swamp on Scarlet Witch at the end of the turn.

Adam led off turn 5 with a Straight to the Grave for Robot Destroyer and returned a previously discarded Mr. Mxyzptlk, Troublesome Trickster to his hand. He played the Robot Destroyer . . . then realized with glee that Loren had forgotten to flip up Political Pressure during the draw phase. He KO’d Frankie to Devil’s Due for a counter on Dr. Doom; Swamped with Mxyzptlk to return Frankie; discarded Reign to play Frankie for free; discarded Stranger to draw two cards; played Enemy discarding Mikado and Mosha for Haywire; played Haywire; exhausted Haywire and Frankie to return Stranger; KO’d Haywire to Poison Ivy to find a Secret Sanctuary; returned Haywire to hand with the Sanctuary and replayed him; KO’d Frankie Raye to Devil’s Due for a counter on Robot Destroyer; returned Frankie to hand with Soul World; played Frankie discarding Scarlet Witch; discarded Phantom Stranger to draw two; exhausted Haywire and Frankie to return Stranger; KO’d Frankie to Devil’s Due for another counter on Dr. Doom; played a different Frankie for free from his hand discarding Stranger and another card for two draws; and activated Dr. Light to return Mikado and Mosha to play.

Catch all that?

Loren was displeased with his mistake, but he didn’t think much of his chances even without the error. He played Enemy, discarding Galactus to find Sunfire, and played Sunfire.

Adam attacked Dr. Doom into Human Torch for the one-sided stun, then sent Robot Destroyer into Sunfire. Loren attempted to stun Poison Ivy, Mikado and Mosha, and Haywire in response, but Adam KO’d M&M and Haywire to put counters on the Destroyer. Sunfire stunned, and Frankie went in for the uncontested 1. Endurance totals were Loren at 23 and Adam at 35.

Loren recovered a lonely Sunfire, while Adam had a board full of characters going into turn 6.

Loren remembered to play Political Pressure, but he was so far behind in board position and endurance that it probably didn’t matter. He played Mimic. Adam got Mxyback and played Asmodeus. He formed haphazardly with a “whatev,” knowing he was in good shape. Loren made an attack with Mimic but offered the hand after a quick look at the board.

Adam Prosak wins 2-0 over Loren Nolen.