Bang. Back again. You know what that means—one more deck, one more review. I’m a double threat—tune in on any given week, and you won’t know whether to be amazed by the deck or confused by the constant avalanche of goofiness that accompanies it. I’m going to try my best to restrain myself this week. One metaphor per paragraph, one hyperbole for every one hundred words . . . and hopefully, the jokes will be on the non cringe–worthy hemisphere of the humorscope.

So, what do we have today? What? Do you even have to ask? If you’ve been watching recent events in the realm of deck technology, then you know that a concoction of Marvel Knights cards just came out of nowhere at the last $10K to dish out the pain. And we’re not talking about piddling teaspoons of discomfort, either, but rather the entire kettle of agony, hot and fresh from Satan’s oven. But we’ll get to that in a minute. First, I want to tell you about my computer room, a corner that descends into almost Chernobyl-like disarray on a regular basis.

I won’t lie, gentle reader. The cleanliness of my work area regularly lies in a sordid range between “pig sty” and “carnival restroom.” This probably has something to do with the fact that it doubles as a recreation and exercise area, and also that the last time I actually cleaned I had to pop an arm out of the womb to do it. You’d figure I wouldn’t be able to get any work done in such a messy nook, and you’d almost be right. But this boy knows how to rummage, and I survive by finding what I need amongst the dregs, scraps, and tatters. If I’ve mislaid a critical compact disc, for example, I simply scoop up an armload of junk, take a close look, and scoop up the next armload of junk if it isn’t there. While I’m doing this, I keep a loose mental catalogue of what was in the last armload, should I cease to require the disc and instead find myself hankering for the French instructions for FIFA 96.

Using this haphazard system, I am eventually able to find what I need, be it card, clothing, or half-eaten bag of microwave popcorn. I can “put it all together,” as it were. Sadly, these dubious slob survival skills don’t translate into anything useful outside of a cluttered cranny . . . but what if they did? What if I could do that with a game on the line, and instead of finding misbegotten toenail clippers, I could find Avalon Space Station, Midnight Sons, Centurious, and Lost City, and get them all on the table with regularity?

What if, ladies and gentleman? I can only dream. Well, I’ll tell you “what if.” Would that ever come to pass, I’d cease be Geordie Tait and instead . . . I’d be Brother Voodoo. In many ways an improvement, though to be fair, I probably already have more skulls in my collection than Jericho Drumm. 

Check this deck out:

Jose Maria Aramburu, winner of $10K Madrid

4 Dagger, Child of Light
2 Daredevil, Protector of Hell’s Kitchen
4 Steel Wind
4 Werewolf by Night
4 Mephisto, Soulstealer
2 Luke Cage, Power Man
2 Varnae
4 Brother Voodoo
2 Moon Knight
2 Blackheart
4 Centurious
1 Blade, The Daywalker
1 Dr. Strange
4 Mist Form
4 Wake the Dead
4 Midnight Sons
4 Wild Ride
2 Have A Blast!
4 Lost City
4 Avalon Space Station


Here’s the stone truth. I built a time machine a while back (rest in peace, DeLorean). When I heard about this deck, I scrounged the cards together, packed some toiletries, and went back to the golden age of television before “Happy Days” jumped the shark. I found ten people, asked them to try out the deck, and then asked each one of them a single question afterward:

“Which do you think is cooler? This deck or The Fonz?”

Of the ten, eight said that given a choice between serving with Centurious or being able to kick a building and make the lights come on, they would take the Centurious beatdown and to hell with Henry Winkler. It wasn’t even close. Even Ron Howard was on our side. We threw down for a few games in his on-set trailer, and he crushed me, even though I was playing Curve Sentinels. It was decided—the above deck is officially the coolest thing ever—and I was back in 2005 before I’d run out of whitening toothpaste and Pore Perfect strips.

True story.

How does the deck work? Well, it’s all about “rummaging.” There are some great combos amongst the Marvel Knights cards, and there are many elegant ways to get all the pieces into place. Let’s start with the big daddy, the mid-game dominator that makes other decks feel like their eye sockets just went ten rounds with a bucket loader—Centurious + Lost City + Avalon Space Station + Midnight Sons (Underworld) + Midnight Sons (Brotherhood).

Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. Tough to get, huh? Well, no, it isn’t. You can have it out by turn 4, no problem. There are tons of copies of all the cards, and you have the greatest rummager on Earth in your employ—the unstoppable Brother Voodoo. This guy is off of something. Can you guess what that “something” is? That’s right . . . the hook! Let me give you one easy example of how your board can take shape. I’m sure you’ll see how effective the deck is when it comes to assembling a strong position.

Your opening hand has Avalon Space Station and Wild Ride. Even assuming that you never draw another relevant card, you already have 60 percent of the combo assured. It’s easy as can be—easy as knitting a sweater for a basketball or dreaming about building a credenza. It only seems hard. Ready for this?

Turn 1: Wild Ride for Dagger, throw out Dagger, get Midnight Sons.

Turn 2: Flip up Avalon, Avalon away any character, return Dagger to hand, throw her out (again!), get Midnight Sons #2.

How weak and fruitless would be any words of mine to quantify the unbelievably ridiculous nature of the above interaction! So, I left it to the experts. According to the results I just received from the Atlanta Plague Center, it is sick, sick, sick like Ebola on a stick. That’s actually the technical term. Gee, somebody set up a quarantine! ’Cause I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is . . . more Avalon Space Station! Since you’re doubtless smarter than me, you can see where things go after turn 2. You have eight chances to draw Lost City and a Wild Ride, or even just a copy of Centurious. But you’re in even better shape if you draw Brother Voodoo, who will swiftly show your opponents that he is, without much doubt, a straight-up witch doctor of wreckanomics.

With the good doctor on board and shrinking heads for your own nefarious purposes, turn 3 is liable to curdle your opponent’s mood. After one activation, you have a great chance of picking up the missing pieces of the combo. Any Wild Ride will get you Centurious or (via Dagger) Midnight Sons, and as far as Lost City goes, you’re extremely likely to find one. I’m no mathematician, but say you dump most of your hand on turn 3, draw a bunch, and then do it again on turn 4- . . . that’s what? Ten extra looks? Plus your eight draws? Plus your four card opening hand? And there are four in the deck? No amount of bad karma is going to stop you from laying your filthy hands on Lost City if Brother Voodoo has his way. I don’t even care if you’ve been pistol-whipping cows in the streets of Delhi.

Now, with all of the correct pieces in place, what do you have? Well, you have a turn 4 board position with Marvel Knights, Brotherhood, and Underworld teamed up, and Avalon Space Station on the table with Centurious. Take a look at Centurious’s ability. I can wait if, after reading it, you want to go out on your balcony and dance like Fred Astaire. Yeah, you’re in good shape. Welcome to a land where you can repeatedly power up anyone on your side. That’s right . . . all of those copies of Steel Wind, Dagger, and Werewolf by Night are now fuel for a furnace that will house just about anyone.

As the game continues, you’ll not only be able to exploit this big power-up advantage on every turn, but you’ll also have some heavy hitters to continue the trip up the curve. Of particular note is Mephisto, Soulstealer, a 5-drop that can reach utterly massive offensive levels. Jose Maria Aramburu, the creator of the deck, actually clouted somebody for about 35 with this guy in one of his $10K Madrid matches. I think they later found his opponent for that round crying in the bathroom behind the Love Tester machine. Where does the Mephisto fodder come from? Brother Voodoo, a.k.a. the Witch Doctor of Wreckanomics, a.k.a. Chocolate Plunder. My dawg serves up more warm bodies than Cannibal Burger. Steel Wind pitches in, too—this ain’t no one man show.

Further up the curve, we have the extremely large Luke Cage, Power Man, who platoons at the 6-drop spot with the offensively-minded Blackheart. This gives the deck a duo of 14 ATK 6-drops, a situation that, like Harrison Ford’s quarter-Judaism, is “not too shabby.” Beyond that, we have Varnae. I’d rather roll an appendage at random and stick it in a bear trap than try to beat through Varnae, and really, what else needs to be said? Dr. Strange rounds out the roster, and I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help you clear any impediments when turn 8 rolls around.

That’s the story, folks. You’ve got a winner this time—a tried and true championship deck just waiting for you to pick it up! So grab your big stack of Marvel Knights cards, steal the locations out of that Brotherhood deck you don’t play anymore, and go to town. It really is that simple. Guess it’s time for me to sign off . . . I need snack.

Where did I put that old bag of caramel corn? I wish Brother Voodoo were here.

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GT

gtait@cogeco.ca